dear bloggy,
over these few weeks i've been in a dilemma...i know it was my mistake to act rough to his frens but maybe sue lin was right..she says i've been keeping to much in me(i mean emotionally)...and i bursted out because of some real silly event..i just couldn't bear my frustration any longer...i guess...i'm so so poor in managing my anger and temperaments..why? do you think i behave rough just because i like it?? i wan to soft and tame too...but the environment i'm in is leading me to further and further explosion...i wan to control myself too...i've tried and i failed too...i have too many hot buttons or am i just too stressed out? i'm being grown in a place where there are only ppl with bad temperaments are there..so in order to protect myself when i am only 3 yrs old is to be as fierce as a tiger as cunning as a fox...do u all think i wan to be fierce and not adorable? i'm not!! i'm not!! i'm not!! i wan to be cute, adorable and lovable.. i've tried my very best...has any given me any chance to proove?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Saturday, April 25, 2009
single or couple??
Dear bloggy,
i am in dilemma, a month ago i broke up with him and that was the most painful period for me and i told myself not to let myself to be hurt again.....during that single time though its a bit bored because i am all alone in a sudden...one day after the break i met a guy....he is the person who helds me up when i am really down...he shows me the real face of a man....during that time we talked a lot bout my boyfriend and he helps me to reveal Mr.K real face and i actually knew it only at that time...during that period of time we talked a lot and we seems to know what we are thinking and what we wants....he has a girlfriend too...i even think of activities that he and his girlfriend can do...and when he quarrels with his girl i will help him to think for his girl till finally he is satisfied and no longer mad at her...and we actually fell for each other...though i knew he is already occupied by his girl but i think that was just a crush between him and me...when he actually told me he has a girl and we both made an agreement...we said that we shall not fall for each other for any reason...ok den day by day we SMS each other like every moment when we are free and we called each other every night...we talked, we laugh... that time i can say i was really happy... i have no worries for who i am going out with, where i am going out with or even what i do...i am as free as a bird high high up in the skies...and i started to feel like it was a right choice for me to leave Mr. K....then one fine day when i was happily enjoy shopping moment with my friends Mr. K called me and he said he got things to tell me...deep in my heart i know i am dead again...i am falling into his trap again...i knew it!! but yet i listen to him...and at that right moment i felt a sudden guilt in me...i feel like i have betrayed de new guy...i feel like i am tearing apart between Mr.K and him...i dowan to leave de new guy because i really feel happy when i am with him.....but when Mr.K talked with me i have this flash back memories when i was with him....so i am in great dilemma...i called the new guy and tell him everything and he told me...since we have tried so hard and i thought u finally let go of him but u did not....he knows that u are easily convinced people thats why he is coming back to u again...i tell no please don't let him hurt u again...he do not deserve to have u...and u deserve somebody that is so much better than him....when i heard this i was crying and i was speechless...then i hang up the phone and think...i was so confused and suffering....i have one whole chaos week...i don eat don't sleep...i keep on thinking of the problem....i do not know where or who to talk to....i was so deppressed...and finally after few times of considering and thinking i left the new guy and goes back to Mr. K...but when i am with him i feel like i do not have the feeling for him anymore and moreover he told me that when we broke up he actually found a girl to replace me but he couldn't continue because he still have feelings towards me...i wanted to tell him so badly that i do not feel the same at him anymore like last time...but i did not i did not want to hurt him like how he hurt me....i knew it is very hurt when this kind of words come from someone u loved so much...so i choose not to tell him...i keep to myself but recently i found out that i actually mind the fact that he being together with someone whom i know and i felt betrayed...though i betrayed him before...but i am that kind of person who is so selfish and really mind when somebody touch my stuff without my permission.....and i feel like telling him that i mind but i am afraid that i will hurt him....i know that if i did not settle this problem...it will be carried till after we are married and one day it will be a big big problem to our marriage....sigh...i really mind and i do not want to hurt him at the same time....i got a feelign like this problem will drive me crazy sooner or later..but i do not have the gut to do it....HELP ME!!!!
i am in dilemma, a month ago i broke up with him and that was the most painful period for me and i told myself not to let myself to be hurt again.....during that single time though its a bit bored because i am all alone in a sudden...one day after the break i met a guy....he is the person who helds me up when i am really down...he shows me the real face of a man....during that time we talked a lot bout my boyfriend and he helps me to reveal Mr.K real face and i actually knew it only at that time...during that period of time we talked a lot and we seems to know what we are thinking and what we wants....he has a girlfriend too...i even think of activities that he and his girlfriend can do...and when he quarrels with his girl i will help him to think for his girl till finally he is satisfied and no longer mad at her...and we actually fell for each other...though i knew he is already occupied by his girl but i think that was just a crush between him and me...when he actually told me he has a girl and we both made an agreement...we said that we shall not fall for each other for any reason...ok den day by day we SMS each other like every moment when we are free and we called each other every night...we talked, we laugh... that time i can say i was really happy... i have no worries for who i am going out with, where i am going out with or even what i do...i am as free as a bird high high up in the skies...and i started to feel like it was a right choice for me to leave Mr. K....then one fine day when i was happily enjoy shopping moment with my friends Mr. K called me and he said he got things to tell me...deep in my heart i know i am dead again...i am falling into his trap again...i knew it!! but yet i listen to him...and at that right moment i felt a sudden guilt in me...i feel like i have betrayed de new guy...i feel like i am tearing apart between Mr.K and him...i dowan to leave de new guy because i really feel happy when i am with him.....but when Mr.K talked with me i have this flash back memories when i was with him....so i am in great dilemma...i called the new guy and tell him everything and he told me...since we have tried so hard and i thought u finally let go of him but u did not....he knows that u are easily convinced people thats why he is coming back to u again...i tell no please don't let him hurt u again...he do not deserve to have u...and u deserve somebody that is so much better than him....when i heard this i was crying and i was speechless...then i hang up the phone and think...i was so confused and suffering....i have one whole chaos week...i don eat don't sleep...i keep on thinking of the problem....i do not know where or who to talk to....i was so deppressed...and finally after few times of considering and thinking i left the new guy and goes back to Mr. K...but when i am with him i feel like i do not have the feeling for him anymore and moreover he told me that when we broke up he actually found a girl to replace me but he couldn't continue because he still have feelings towards me...i wanted to tell him so badly that i do not feel the same at him anymore like last time...but i did not i did not want to hurt him like how he hurt me....i knew it is very hurt when this kind of words come from someone u loved so much...so i choose not to tell him...i keep to myself but recently i found out that i actually mind the fact that he being together with someone whom i know and i felt betrayed...though i betrayed him before...but i am that kind of person who is so selfish and really mind when somebody touch my stuff without my permission.....and i feel like telling him that i mind but i am afraid that i will hurt him....i know that if i did not settle this problem...it will be carried till after we are married and one day it will be a big big problem to our marriage....sigh...i really mind and i do not want to hurt him at the same time....i got a feelign like this problem will drive me crazy sooner or later..but i do not have the gut to do it....HELP ME!!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
to help or not to help??
dear blog,
on tuesday evening, my friend,him and i went to the wet market somewhere in the town....when we are on the way back, i saw a motorcyclist riding on a motorcycle and suddenly he just fell on the road....the first thing that crosses my mind is that i should get down of my car and help him....i leave it to God if that person wants to rob me or do something which will harm me but the very first thing that crosses my mind is "Linda, u should get down of ur car rite now and help him!!!"...so i tell him, "hey, look at that man....he fell down, i think i should give lend him a helping hand!!" and so, without second thaought i stop my car at a side and get down to help that man....i pull his motorcycle up and my friend help the man to get up....then i asked that man is he feeling well?? did he feel any giddyness??and he said yes...which worried me..then i asked him to sit by the road side and rest..that man eventually told me that he drank a little bit of beer just now and now he is a little bit drunk....though drink nad drive/ride is not safe and not encourageable..but i still felt that i am doing the right thing....what that man is not drunk but has an heart attack???or maybe had a sudden stroke??i might save or killed somebody in just a second by thinking that its non of my business...i understand that he is angry because he thought that stopping the car by the road side is dangerous...but i have 3 person in the car...if he do not wish to help he can stay in the car and help me to look after my car....and since that day till now...its been 3 days i have not talk to him....i think it is silly to angry at me when part of my job is ensuring human's life is safe...not onl patients but also the public....that's me!!
on tuesday evening, my friend,him and i went to the wet market somewhere in the town....when we are on the way back, i saw a motorcyclist riding on a motorcycle and suddenly he just fell on the road....the first thing that crosses my mind is that i should get down of my car and help him....i leave it to God if that person wants to rob me or do something which will harm me but the very first thing that crosses my mind is "Linda, u should get down of ur car rite now and help him!!!"...so i tell him, "hey, look at that man....he fell down, i think i should give lend him a helping hand!!" and so, without second thaought i stop my car at a side and get down to help that man....i pull his motorcycle up and my friend help the man to get up....then i asked that man is he feeling well?? did he feel any giddyness??and he said yes...which worried me..then i asked him to sit by the road side and rest..that man eventually told me that he drank a little bit of beer just now and now he is a little bit drunk....though drink nad drive/ride is not safe and not encourageable..but i still felt that i am doing the right thing....what that man is not drunk but has an heart attack???or maybe had a sudden stroke??i might save or killed somebody in just a second by thinking that its non of my business...i understand that he is angry because he thought that stopping the car by the road side is dangerous...but i have 3 person in the car...if he do not wish to help he can stay in the car and help me to look after my car....and since that day till now...its been 3 days i have not talk to him....i think it is silly to angry at me when part of my job is ensuring human's life is safe...not onl patients but also the public....that's me!!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
miserable college life......
i know that everyone feels that their life in some kind of miserable stage in a way that their life path is bringing them....but mine is like God is standing on the opposite side from me.....
ok...let start to see what has happen---->>>
7/12/08 - my teacher see us today and she give us an assignment---health teaching guide book. she says that all of us have to do a guide book to bring to goverment's clinic to give health teaching...so she says that the first group to pass up is the first group of student who is going to the clinic...the due date for this assignment is on 7/1/09--one month's time...that time our senior has all gone for their vacation leave, so we cannot borrow their's to be our guideline....
2/1/09 - we receive our clinical schedule and found out that i am the second group...in my heart---thanks God....so i happily go off..
5/1/09 - my teacher see us again today, she says that the first to pass up the guide book is the second group and it is due on 12/1/09----one week's time...and i thought"WTF??!!!" from second to pass up become first o pass up....so i started to rush and rush...
11/1/09 - finally i finished my assignment and ready to print, my friend says she wanted to print so i let her print first then my roomate's turn....then i print mine....half way of printing, my friend says she wanna photocopy something so i let her go first....after she printed hers out then i continue, that time it was like already 1.30am.....my printer breakdown and FYI, my friends and i has printed out total of 300++ pages....i started to get mad....its already so late and the next day i have to work in hospital.....AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! i am going crazy.....i try all my very best to fix my printer but couldn't help it.....so got no choice but to rest...
12/1/09 - 10 am - i called up my printer dealer and he said prangin has a shop can deal with this problem, so i bring my printer there and waited for the shop to open....while waiting i asked other shops..they say only Canon can fix the problem....so without second thought i bring my printer to Canon's workshop but they say it will takes 2-3 days to fix.....and its already too late for me.....so i bring my printer to prangin mall again and still the shop hasn't open so i called up that guy again and he ask me to go to his gf house to print in bukit jambul.....so for but no choice i go to her house and print, what happen was my pendrive was left in my hostel...and i have to use the document inmy laptop...thanks God i brought it there..i had to bath there and change into my clinical's wear...haiz.......
2pm- i reach my hostel and asked my friend to help me to put into my pocket's file....and finally ta-da!!my assignment is done....haha.....
and finally, the day is RUIN by the Canon's printer.....hahaha.....
ok...let start to see what has happen---->>>
7/12/08 - my teacher see us today and she give us an assignment---health teaching guide book. she says that all of us have to do a guide book to bring to goverment's clinic to give health teaching...so she says that the first group to pass up is the first group of student who is going to the clinic...the due date for this assignment is on 7/1/09--one month's time...that time our senior has all gone for their vacation leave, so we cannot borrow their's to be our guideline....
2/1/09 - we receive our clinical schedule and found out that i am the second group...in my heart---thanks God....so i happily go off..
5/1/09 - my teacher see us again today, she says that the first to pass up the guide book is the second group and it is due on 12/1/09----one week's time...and i thought"WTF??!!!" from second to pass up become first o pass up....so i started to rush and rush...
11/1/09 - finally i finished my assignment and ready to print, my friend says she wanted to print so i let her print first then my roomate's turn....then i print mine....half way of printing, my friend says she wanna photocopy something so i let her go first....after she printed hers out then i continue, that time it was like already 1.30am.....my printer breakdown and FYI, my friends and i has printed out total of 300++ pages....i started to get mad....its already so late and the next day i have to work in hospital.....AAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! i am going crazy.....i try all my very best to fix my printer but couldn't help it.....so got no choice but to rest...
12/1/09 - 10 am - i called up my printer dealer and he said prangin has a shop can deal with this problem, so i bring my printer there and waited for the shop to open....while waiting i asked other shops..they say only Canon can fix the problem....so without second thought i bring my printer to Canon's workshop but they say it will takes 2-3 days to fix.....and its already too late for me.....so i bring my printer to prangin mall again and still the shop hasn't open so i called up that guy again and he ask me to go to his gf house to print in bukit jambul.....so for but no choice i go to her house and print, what happen was my pendrive was left in my hostel...and i have to use the document inmy laptop...thanks God i brought it there..i had to bath there and change into my clinical's wear...haiz.......
2pm- i reach my hostel and asked my friend to help me to put into my pocket's file....and finally ta-da!!my assignment is done....haha.....
and finally, the day is RUIN by the Canon's printer.....hahaha.....
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
my future?? do i have one??
dear blog,
today i have a sudden miserable attack.......in a sudden i felt like my future is gone and its like no U-turn point where i can turn back to de beginning of time... i always know dat i am a planner...i like to plan my future but today after chatting with him i felt dat my life is gone...oh will someone kindly pls tell me what should i do for de rest of my life.......i am trying to help him with my planning skill dat i have but it seems like i am giving him great stress.........AAAARRRRGGGGGGGHH!!!i am so useless, i can't help de person dat i wish to help de most in my life.....
today i have a sudden miserable attack.......in a sudden i felt like my future is gone and its like no U-turn point where i can turn back to de beginning of time... i always know dat i am a planner...i like to plan my future but today after chatting with him i felt dat my life is gone...oh will someone kindly pls tell me what should i do for de rest of my life.......i am trying to help him with my planning skill dat i have but it seems like i am giving him great stress.........AAAARRRRGGGGGGGHH!!!i am so useless, i can't help de person dat i wish to help de most in my life.....
Thursday, December 25, 2008
What a Christmas...haiz...
Dear bloggerz..
Don't you feel that whenever we know some greetings season is coming, we feel excited and happy about it?? But i guess from this year onwards i wouldn't feel that anymore... It is all because of an incident i saw on the Christmas eve this year... Christmas is a day that we celebrate Christ birthday(though He was born on the August)... For Christians, they will celebrate with their family and gather in their church...maybe with some prayers and blessings from their God... but for non-christians, they do enjoy the seasons too...where they will have friends gathering and exchanging their gifts...i was one of those...on the way back to home, we saw an accident...i saw i body lying on the road covered with white blanket and so happen that my friend is a reporter, she went down to follow the case...when she is back, she told us that the dead body belongs to a man who is riding on the motorcycle....he is 30 something with wife and child...don't you feel sad for him??? i guess he must be just off from work and heading home...and i really hope that the police will get the fellow who hits and run...irresponsible!!!! if the victim able to get help from the person wo hits him, maybe the victim is still alive...because we saw blood splashes all around and everything is in a chaos...the saddest things of all is i saw there is a christmas hat on the road and it is still blinking.... i heard my friend says that there is another victim....a roadpasser....i really feel that even though i am a health care personnel, but still there are people who is unable to help..hope the victim will rest in peace.......
Don't you feel that whenever we know some greetings season is coming, we feel excited and happy about it?? But i guess from this year onwards i wouldn't feel that anymore... It is all because of an incident i saw on the Christmas eve this year... Christmas is a day that we celebrate Christ birthday(though He was born on the August)... For Christians, they will celebrate with their family and gather in their church...maybe with some prayers and blessings from their God... but for non-christians, they do enjoy the seasons too...where they will have friends gathering and exchanging their gifts...i was one of those...on the way back to home, we saw an accident...i saw i body lying on the road covered with white blanket and so happen that my friend is a reporter, she went down to follow the case...when she is back, she told us that the dead body belongs to a man who is riding on the motorcycle....he is 30 something with wife and child...don't you feel sad for him??? i guess he must be just off from work and heading home...and i really hope that the police will get the fellow who hits and run...irresponsible!!!! if the victim able to get help from the person wo hits him, maybe the victim is still alive...because we saw blood splashes all around and everything is in a chaos...the saddest things of all is i saw there is a christmas hat on the road and it is still blinking.... i heard my friend says that there is another victim....a roadpasser....i really feel that even though i am a health care personnel, but still there are people who is unable to help..hope the victim will rest in peace.......
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